Stephen Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
Part 1: Introduction to the seven skills of highly effective couples
Every family is organised in its own way. Relationships can be developed without repeating the patterns of your parents. It is important to adopt only the best practices. You should be guided by the interests of children and support your partner. Appreciate differences and be honest about your desires. Be proactive when a family member comes home or leaves.
Between stimulus and response
Be proactive.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Transforming emotions is a healthier approach than holding them back or expressing them. The choice we make between stimulus and response determines all the shades in our relationships with our spouses and children. Choice is power, it is what distinguishes us from animals.
It's up to you to decide how to react to anything.
Start by imagining the ultimate goal.
We do not always realise that problems in the family can be solved in the same way as problems at work. Learn to ask yourself: "What does life require of me?" and imagine the ultimate goal.
The four human gifts
Do what needs to be done first from the beginning.
In order to do what needs to be done from the beginning, you will have to develop willpower and resist the flow. It is important that all of our gifts - self-awareness, conscience, imagination and independent will - interact synergistically within us.
Put the needs of your loved ones above your own.
How to win the interaction?
Think in the spirit of a winner. First, strive to understand and then to be understood. Achieve synergy. Sharpen the saw.
What is important to the other person is important to you. If you achieve happiness at the expense of another person, it will not bring joy. Find a common solution that is better than the solution of each of you individually.
Part 2. Creating an effective family culture
Four principles of family union:
- Seriousness of intentions
- Steadfastness of character
- Connection
- Community.
Skill 1: Be proactive
A reactive person acts on emotions. A proactive person pauses, thinks about how to resolve the situation, and takes action. I am not a victim, I am in control of my actions. We should celebrate our differences, not try to change the person. If you think that the problem is not with you, it is a problem. Choose your reaction.
Skill 2. Start imagining the end goal
What will your union look like in 5 years? If you don't know what you want together, who will? The best unions are formed when spouses value their differences. What will your mission be?
Skill 3. Do what needs to be done first
Plan for your shared values. Couples don't spend enough time with each other. Plan time for your relationship. It's the little things that matter in a relationship.
Skill 4. Think in the spirit of a winner
The loss of one of the participants in the relationship is the loss of the couple in general. For every emotional withdrawal, there should be at least 3 deposits. Find out what your partner considers a contribution and tell them what you consider a contribution. Take into account both your partner's and your winnings.
Skill 5. Seek to understand first, and then to be heard
Take the time to listen to your partner. Avoid slamming the door. Listen first and then speak. People don't care how much you know until they know how much they mean to you. Never do the following: give advice, don't talk about yourself, criticise. Talk through your feelings and try to be understood.
Skill 6. Achieve synergy
Never try to work alone. Appreciate each other's strengths and recognise them. What strength does your partner bring to the marriage? What are your strengths? Do not focus on your partner's weaknesses.
Skill 7. Sharpen the saw
Put the mask on yourself first to be able to help others. What do you have to do for your body? What do you have to do for your heart? What do you have to do for your mind? What should you do for your spirit? What should you stop doing? What do you plan to do? What do you plan to stop doing?
Conclusion.
Most people think that marriage is a box that holds anything. In reality, you need to fill the box before you can take anything out of it